[ this kind of thing makes him uncomfortable and he wonders if he should even pretend otherwise. the good natured smile on his face flags into something a little more cautious, a lot more wary, and he pushes himself to his feet. ]
--yeah, fascinating. I'm going to go check on Tim, then, I reckon. Just... let me know if you need anything else.
It occurs then that people might not see him as social. He's not. To be quite honest apart from Georgie and a few college friends he's not the sort of person to...actively seek out human beings. He just sort of wanders. Martin is acting like The Admiral a little bit. Determinedly invading his space but how could he say no?
Still he's stayed and he keeps asking.]
all right. I would. I mean.
[The hunger on his face as he looks at the file is real and his holding it lingers.]
Thanks again for the sandwich. [pause] My grandmother for some reason had an absolute aversion - when I was younger - to anything but bologna sandwiches. I think we had a fight about it when I was about...10? And one day she just sort of replaced the stuff with pastrami.
[One of the few nice moments from her.
He loved her. She was just...set in her ways.]
You get stuck with it. What kind of sandwiches do you like?
[ but jon is opening up (which is nice) and he feels like he owes him the same in return. he doesn't usually broach the topic of his mother often with jon, but jon doesn't usually talk much about his grandmother, so he'll tentatively add: ]
It was my mum's favorite. Turkey and cheese? Easiest thing to get her to eat when she was having a bad day.
right?! It's like dammit Jon get it together good onya Martin
[There is a tickle in the back of his mind. A subtle little nudge. That's what he's sort of noticing these nudges more and more frequently. It's not an image it's just there's more there and he has never really given Martin the time of day personally - on personal matters.
ask ask ask
But why? It's private
Except it's not it's...interesting.]
...Bad day?
[Jon Sims to his credit, to his endless credit sounds genuinely kind.]
[ he's never really talked about his mother with jon - he's never really had the opportunity. tim knows all about her, and so had sasha, but they'd spent time in the proverbial trenches together.
it was different with jon. ]
She's, um- she's pretty ill. She has been for a long time. I was taking care of her when I started working here.
She's, um. She's been in a care facility for a while. It just got to be- you know how it is.
[ or probably he doesn't. his mother sometimes still resents just looking at him. martin bobs his head, trying to shake off the frown like water. when he smiles at jon, it's still just the slightest bit strained. ]
[He always did that. Georgie said he pried. They'd had a fight about it. He sighs.]
You and Assassin's Creed and a desire for a dog.
[It seems only fair right? He feels bad. Martin is just too damn nice for his own good and that same eagerness, that same nudge ...
He pauses, turning to reach into his desk before pulling out a very battered copy of Jurassic Park.]
Don't refuse it please. I have another copy at home but that might give me something more to say then...babbling uselessly about uncomfortable personal nonsense Georgie...
[he sighs.]
I'm not good with people. Should be bloody obvious.
[ martin leans forward to take the book without hesitation, smoothing it in his lap and giving jon a slightly delayed, very quizzical look. he wants to press a bit, to insist that it's fine - that this is the best possible outcome that he could imagine. that he likes sharing things with jon, and having things shared with him in return.
that it's nice.
instead, he just smooths the book in his lap. ]
I think you do just fine. It's - I'm rather enjoying the conversation, Jon. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise.
What did Georgie say. I'm shy ridiculously shy when it comes to...personal discussions. And with everything that's happened recently it's...harder to connect to all of you than I'd like it to be. Especially with you Especially after everything -
[But! He digresses. Waving a hand.]
So. You play video games. And you eat turkey sandwiches. How else do you spend your time?
I mean, after everything I've done? The way I behaved towards Sasha and Tim? I've treated you all terribly and I've been...I have been a terrible boss.
We're supposed to be working together to save the world and I...
I don't know but out of everyone you're...the nicest and I've treated you like garbage.
[ martin isn't sure what he wants to say, or how to say it, but he can feel his face heating up fast and he doesn't quite know what to do about it. his fingers flex on the book and he bites down a smile, because god if he doesn't care so much about this stupid man- ]
It's - alright. Honestly, I'm not just saying that. We all know that you're- that you're prickly. But you've always had our best interests at heart. From the beginning. I know that. I-- we know that, I promise.
[His throat works for a moment and he sighs, and leans back.]
See that?- If I really did? I would do more about Elias. I would have ...somehow done more about this whole situation we're in. What happened with Daisy and Basira would never have happened and Tim...
[Damn it.]
But thank you all the same.
[All he can offer is a very tired smile.]
...I used to date Georgie. The...
[He studies Martin and looks profoundly ashamed.] she used to tell me that I was very good at making other people do my emotional work for me and I ...hate that.
This kind of thing isn't easy for you. It's not, which is, um, obvious - no offense. But you're trying. You're making an effort. The - whole situation, too--
[ martin trails off, chewing over his next words. ]
You've never stopped trying there, either. It doesn't mean nothing. I promise it doesn't.
[ the shame catches him off guard, as does the admission of dating georgie. casual, martin. c a s u a l. ]
[He blinks owlishly.] No, no no. She's passed. We weren't close in life? But she was...she did her best-
[pause.] Or Georgie and I?
[He hisses for a moment.] We're...we talk but I made a pretty big mistake and she and I parted on ...not good terms. We grew into very different people.
But we still talk, and I duck by to use her wifi because for some reason wifi in my flats is always terrible.
Your grandmother passed just a little while before you got here, right? I - uh, I think I remember hearing talk about that.
[ martin, who has been at the institute for ages, who has seen so many folks come and go. he rubs at his eye, not wanting to admit out loud just how tired he is. he's unwilling to give up this moment of actual conversation with jon. ]
But I'm sorry to hear about that. You and Georgie, I mean. It's good to have friends.
[ yeah - he's suddenly very glad he decided to bring jon a late dinner. ]
It's actually quite nice, hearing it from you. But I think you've already covered the 'gesture of friendliness.' [ he holds up the book, as if to indicate. ]
Anyone who hasn't read a good book deserves to. I mean you don't seem to have one on your mind, so I'm happy to help. Expect a second gesture of genuine friendship - totally out of nowhere.
[You're so kind to me and I want to measure up, seems fucking trite]
You'll be least expecting it and suddenly I'll swoop in and probably make a mess of the whole affair but it will be made out of friendship and kindness.
Fair warning it may be more books. Or...well what else do you like?
[ it's embarrassing how awkward this makes him feel, because he doesn't want to feel awkward. the truth of the matter just happens to be that martin blackwood is excellent at friendliness, but tends to be complete rubbish when it comes to actual friendship. ]
Books are fine. Honest. It just - means a lot, to know someone is thinking about me.
[ that jon is thinking about him. he feels his ears go red again, and hastily adds: ]
I have seen the movie. Is it going to spoil the book for me? [ jurassic park, that is. ]
Yeah? I, uh- I used to watch a lot of Star Trek. [ that's about as much as he can relate, but he's giving a self-effacing little grin as he admits even that much. ] What made you change?
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--yeah, fascinating. I'm going to go check on Tim, then, I reckon. Just... let me know if you need anything else.
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Tim is okay?
I-
I mean I'm ...
This will help. But yeah. If you need to go. You should.
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[ martin hesitates again, because he'd half expected jon to shoo him out of his office. ]
Unless you'd like some company.
After 169 this hurts so much in a good way
It occurs then that people might not see him as social. He's not. To be quite honest apart from Georgie and a few college friends he's not the sort of person to...actively seek out human beings. He just sort of wanders. Martin is acting like The Admiral a little bit. Determinedly invading his space but how could he say no?
Still he's stayed and he keeps asking.]
all right. I would. I mean.
[The hunger on his face as he looks at the file is real and his holding it lingers.]
Thanks again for the sandwich. [pause] My grandmother for some reason had an absolute aversion - when I was younger - to anything but bologna sandwiches. I think we had a fight about it when I was about...10? And one day she just sort of replaced the stuff with pastrami.
[One of the few nice moments from her.
He loved her. She was just...set in her ways.]
You get stuck with it. What kind of sandwiches do you like?
169 was so solid
[ but jon is opening up (which is nice) and he feels like he owes him the same in return. he doesn't usually broach the topic of his mother often with jon, but jon doesn't usually talk much about his grandmother, so he'll tentatively add: ]
It was my mum's favorite. Turkey and cheese? Easiest thing to get her to eat when she was having a bad day.
right?! It's like dammit Jon get it together good onya Martin
ask ask ask
But why? It's private
Except it's not it's...interesting.]
...Bad day?
[Jon Sims to his credit, to his endless credit sounds genuinely kind.]
they're both disasters right now imo
[ he's never really talked about his mother with jon - he's never really had the opportunity. tim knows all about her, and so had sasha, but they'd spent time in the proverbial trenches together.
it was different with jon. ]
She's, um- she's pretty ill. She has been for a long time. I was taking care of her when I started working here.
true.
[He is sorry. That's enough to shock him out of any of the desire to turn his attention back to work. Parents are a whole other level.
And it feels human in a ghoulish way then - a way that makes him uncomfortable.]
That's...very hard doesn't begin to describe it does it? And you take care of her still?
[a pause. Martin comes by his kindness honestly.]
Good thing the place pays well doesn't it.
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[ or probably he doesn't. his mother sometimes still resents just looking at him. martin bobs his head, trying to shake off the frown like water. when he smiles at jon, it's still just the slightest bit strained. ]
Just been me for a bit. I don't mind.
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[He always did that. Georgie said he pried. They'd had a fight about it. He sighs.]
You and Assassin's Creed and a desire for a dog.
[It seems only fair right? He feels bad. Martin is just too damn nice for his own good and that same eagerness, that same nudge ...
He pauses, turning to reach into his desk before pulling out a very battered copy of Jurassic Park.]
Don't refuse it please. I have another copy at home but that might give me something more to say then...babbling uselessly about uncomfortable personal nonsense Georgie...
[he sighs.]
I'm not good with people. Should be bloody obvious.
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that it's nice.
instead, he just smooths the book in his lap. ]
I think you do just fine. It's - I'm rather enjoying the conversation, Jon. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise.
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[He sighs, staring at his hands.]
What did Georgie say. I'm shy ridiculously shy when it comes to...personal discussions. And with everything that's happened recently it's...harder to connect to all of you than I'd like it to be. Especially with you Especially after everything -
[But! He digresses. Waving a hand.]
So. You play video games. And you eat turkey sandwiches. How else do you spend your time?
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-- especially with me?
[ he's doing his best not to look wounded, and he's only partially succeeding. ]
Why is it harder with me?
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[It just kind of bursts out.]
I mean, after everything I've done? The way I behaved towards Sasha and Tim? I've treated you all terribly and I've been...I have been a terrible boss.
We're supposed to be working together to save the world and I...
I don't know but out of everyone you're...the nicest and I've treated you like garbage.
[Nope. Nope he can't.]
I'm...sorry.
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[ martin isn't sure what he wants to say, or how to say it, but he can feel his face heating up fast and he doesn't quite know what to do about it. his fingers flex on the book and he bites down a smile, because god if he doesn't care so much about this stupid man- ]
It's - alright. Honestly, I'm not just saying that. We all know that you're- that you're prickly. But you've always had our best interests at heart. From the beginning. I know that. I-- we know that, I promise.
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See that?- If I really did? I would do more about Elias. I would have ...somehow done more about this whole situation we're in. What happened with Daisy and Basira would never have happened and Tim...
[Damn it.]
But thank you all the same.
[All he can offer is a very tired smile.]
...I used to date Georgie. The...
[He studies Martin and looks profoundly ashamed.] she used to tell me that I was very good at making other people do my emotional work for me and I ...hate that.
But Prickly!
[He chuckles]
My grandmother would agree with you.
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[ martin trails off, chewing over his next words. ]
You've never stopped trying there, either. It doesn't mean nothing. I promise it doesn't.
[ the shame catches him off guard, as does the admission of dating georgie. casual, martin. c a s u a l. ]
So, uh. You two are still close, then?
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[He blinks owlishly.] No, no no. She's passed. We weren't close in life? But she was...she did her best-
[pause.] Or Georgie and I?
[He hisses for a moment.] We're...we talk but I made a pretty big mistake and she and I parted on ...not good terms. We grew into very different people.
But we still talk, and I duck by to use her wifi because for some reason wifi in my flats is always terrible.
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[ martin, who has been at the institute for ages, who has seen so many folks come and go. he rubs at his eye, not wanting to admit out loud just how tired he is. he's unwilling to give up this moment of actual conversation with jon. ]
But I'm sorry to hear about that. You and Georgie, I mean. It's good to have friends.
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[People were talking about that? He takes another bite of sandwich and stares at Martin before he shrugs.]
I have -
God I think you're the only person who I'd consider a friend here.
[He gestures. Nervously.]
So watch out. There's going to be a moment where I'll do something for you that will be genuinely friendly and you will least expect it.
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[ yeah - he's suddenly very glad he decided to bring jon a late dinner. ]
It's actually quite nice, hearing it from you. But I think you've already covered the 'gesture of friendliness.' [ he holds up the book, as if to indicate. ]
thank you for this this thread is joy
[He holds up a hand]
Anyone who hasn't read a good book deserves to. I mean you don't seem to have one on your mind, so I'm happy to help. Expect a second gesture of genuine friendship - totally out of nowhere.
[You're so kind to me and I want to measure up, seems fucking trite]
You'll be least expecting it and suddenly I'll swoop in and probably make a mess of the whole affair but it will be made out of friendship and kindness.
Fair warning it may be more books. Or...well what else do you like?
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Books are fine. Honest. It just - means a lot, to know someone is thinking about me.
[ that jon is thinking about him. he feels his ears go red again, and hastily adds: ]
I have seen the movie. Is it going to spoil the book for me? [ jurassic park, that is. ]
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No no. There are some things and John Hammond is an ass but he's better than some.
The lawyer's less of a prick too.
Prior to working here I really was much more of a science fiction fan.
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action? -->
action!
:D
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